This post contains f bombs. If that’s not your thing, exit stage right, where that close button is. Otherwise, as my friends said, this one is HELLA raw.
I was getting feedback from my friends about what they thought my blog was about, and this one guy mentioned abuse in relationships. When I was writing down the feedback in my note book, I put a question mark in brackets next to it.
He was right.
Abuse takes so many forms that it took me a while to see it in every single relationship I’ve had. Gas lighting, silent treatment, the “you’re not respecting me” anthem when you speak your truth, demonizing your character, playing victim… However, in my experience, it takes one major form; lack of respect.
When I was in high school, I REALLY fought with my dad. Yes, fellow Africans, my Kikuyu self would have a back and forth with her father, and I was not polite. Is the fact I am sill alive a miracle? Yes, it really is. We had a lot of heated arguments, and it got to the point where, while he was lecturing me, I would laugh in his face. It was clear to me, teenage years or otherwise, that he did not respect me as a human being. But what African parent holds their children in high regard lol (that was rhetorical). That sounds strange, especially when there are Christians having a fit right now with “respect your mother and father” and the traditionalists who believe I should have been whipped.
But that is not Wambaire. She is a free spirt.
Years on and my father is not condescending. He will listen to my objections, and let sleeping dogs lay. I have a threshold of disrespect, and it goes like this, “If my father cannot talk or treat me the way you have, then you are a problem.” My dad and I can sit down and talk for hours. We will debate, resonate and so much more. I would say we are friends, but he’s my dad and we both don’t like talking in the morning lol.
Not acquittances, not employers. You will put respect on my name. Otherwise keep it out of your mouth.
Is that a quality that a woman should have, when she is meant to be quiet and humble?
To that I say, “Fuck your opinion.”
Here’s the thing about the boychild I have experienced (I will not mention you, but we do need to have a chat about what the boy child is going through, as per your words) power is everything. And I have noted that some men get power when you, as a woman, are in the dumps. When your self esteem is broken, you’re easier to control aka “this is what will make me happy, so do it.” Like the examples before you, you do it.
And then there’s women like Wambaire who say, “FUCK THAT.” And you too, baby girl, can be like me.
“But what will people think-“ I am sorry, who is more important? And if the answer is not you, baby girl, you’re wrong.
I had never been the priority before. And then, therapy, hospital and meds after, mmmmyyyy goodness. The awareness of who I am cannot be shaken. “Vumilia” is a stupid ass, dumb ass, foolish ass advice that women are given. Tag your mama and aunty, while you’re at it. That’s why it irritates me when someone comes and talks about the boychild in my face. It is men oppressing you, not women, so please, fuck off and challenge your peers, won’t you? Where do I come in?
If you’re in this space…
Find yourself. Find your self-esteem. Know who you are. It’s not who you’re told you are, it is who you instinctually know you are.
Most of all, tell yourself, until you believe it, “There is nothing wrong with me. That is a them problem.”
Something to think about. If you’ve lost your dream and vision, then there’s an issue. If for some reason you’re isolated, never mind you had a huge pool of friends, then there’s a problem. If their mood suddenly turns against you and you randomly make them angry, there’s a problem. If you have to kiss their ass, then there’s an issue. If they throw bombs out of nowhere, even when you’re having a good time, human… there’s an issue. When someone challenges your sanity- sweetheart. If you have to shrink yourself so that you don’t have a fight, psychopath. Are you feeling harassed? Hmm. THEY PUT THEIR HANDS ON YOU? Girl.
Bottomline is this. If when you’re alone you think you’re a decent human being, and then someone enters your space and questions your sanity? On top of that, you’re told you belong in Mathare? Gasligher and narcissist.
Hydrate, vaa mask, and be nice.