*girl, not in the literal sense
If you don’t have people in your life that call you out, you don’t have friends.
Nyams, this is for you.
In real life I’m animated, I changed voices, characters and curse like Pirates was based on my life. I exaggerate, but I curse more than you’d want that aunt in your life to around your kids. Am I proud? No. Should I stop? Probably. How’s that going? It’s at the bottom of things to work on in my life. Iza jo.
I am sarcastic, opinionated, and my face has a problem hiding any nonsense I’m processing at any given time. In another life my dad would have killed me, my mother had me tied to the altar for exorcism. One brother calls me difficult, the other says I am a ticking timebomb.
Wait. Pole. Sorry. You thought I was gonna say how I’m an amazing human being?
My bad, lemme get to that. Haya. One thing is true about me. Like you, I don’t wake up looking to be an ass or flawed. But here we are. I know I love deeply, come through for those I love, speak truth (manze this one has gotten me into trouble), go out of my way, fight for truth, etc. etc. though that’s not the point of this post.
But that hasn’t always been the case. Some asshole along the way made me feel like I am not worth of shit in my life. Not love, not the best. But through the help of strong women in my life like Doreen, Portia and Nyams, here I am, aware that I’m a fucking catch.
I’ve been taking stock of my past relationships as my therapist would have me, and apart from djkajdjw (ulipenda udaku hey?!) the rest had one thing in common; hiding me.
You’re allowed to pause and process that.
There’s a number whom have introduced me to their mother, but after the last one, I realized a man introducing you to their mother/family means NOTHING. If you’re reading this and you’re shocked, pole sana. But it’s true. It’s one thing for a man to love you how you want and deserved to be loved, and another for him to show his family the ideal woman and then go off and act single.
There’s a couple of things I want to address from my unfiltered experience.
1. Sis, you always know. They’ve just made you doubt and censor your gut. You know if he’s the one, if he’ll love and treat you right, if he’ll cheat, if he’ll make you a priority, if he’ll meet your expectations. YOU KNOW. I don’t know the science but I believe women have been fitted with a stronger gut than men- so we know. “Omg I can believe he’d do that to me?!” But sis, you snatched him from his ex. Heeellloooooo!!!
2. If he wants you, you’ll know.
Sorry. What is meant to say was, IF HE WANTS YOU, YOU’LL KNOW.
If you’re questioning if he likes you, sis, move the fuck on. And I’m not talking about insecurities for “oh but why would he like me?”
Side bar: If you ever feel unworthy of a man’s affection, call yourself for several meetings. Google ‘efffects of low self esteem’ if you have to. Coz sis, he’ll turn you into a door mat. He’ll turn you into a disposable piece of shit, of which you aren’t. If you lucky, he’ll build you by telling you that you’re a queen, but such men are HELLA rare, and likely not the one you’re with right now.
I’m talking about you questioning your worth when you’re with a man. I’d you ever get there, Google “how to love myself” coz the heartbreak you’re about to experience, woi! It’s not worth it. Being with a man for the sake of society and forsaking what you need is foooollliiiissshhh. Dying alone in peace btw is not that bad. If your issue is sex I can recommend a site. Just saying.
Fuck all the men that make you feel less than. Fuck all the men that make you feel that choosing you is a favor. Fuck all men that promise heaven and give you a pinpop. Fuck all the men that say they’ll call back and don’t. Fuck all the men that go quiet and text you when they are bored. Fuck all the men that date you because they want what’s between your legs. Fuck all the men that won’t be emotionally vulnerable with you. Fuck all the men that make you feel less than. Fuck all the men that make you look crazy when you tap into your gut. Fuck all the men that don’t put you first.
Pause and add your “Fuck all the men…” quote. Get it out of your system.
Fuck any man that’s EVER made you feel less than .
In other news, there are good men out there. And here’s how you attract them- raise and keep your standard up.
Before you rejoice, if you have a rubbish personality and everything in between, I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to the women that spend days and hours on self improvement.
Once your fear of being alone leaves you, you’ll be at peace and in a better place to attract the remaining men that ask, “where are the good women at?”
Today’s blog has been brought to you by the word “fuck”, my inner work, and the conviction that I deserve love. And so do you, sister.