Advice of a semi-healed complainer

*semi because I am not familiar with perfection.

I think my spiral into crisis began when I asked a few of my friends how much and how often I complain. That was in 2016, I think. I remember I was laying on the guestroom bed taking a break from ironing the mountain of clothes our household produces.

Yes. We iron our clothes before hanging them.

The responses were honest, and the truth was that I complained a lot. It was about things typically complained about. But there’s one response from a then-close friend that had be rethinking my life. She said, plainly, 5/5 was my score. That was followed by exclamation marks.

That legit stopped me in my tracks because what close friend calls you out like that? To her credit, she was right. Looking back, I complained more than I realized and nothing seemed to be going right in my life. Looking back I pushed away a lot of people because of that. So if you left my life for that reason (among others) that was the right call.

I was hella toxic.


Now I blue tick people and block them when I catch a whiff on nonsense in my inbox.

If you did that to me, I seriously get it.


Yes! You saw it coming!


So, the thing about therapy, at least if you’re serious about getting better, is that you can’t stay in the same place. You can’t talk about the same thing each session. You talk about it, come up with a solution and MOVE THE FUCK ON. If it comes up again, that’s okay, you slipped up. Now, let’s find another strategy. But one thing is consistent; falling forward.

SO, I have been falling, a good one, but forward. And no, those weren’t my words. I have smart analytical friends.


Nowadays, I will be in the middle of something or a conversation, and my mind goes quiet. No activity, no noise, no thoughts, just quiet.

This silence used to worry me. I have a pal, observant as HELL (and also smart and analytical), who can tell when my attention shifts. It usually when mind has gone quiet and I’m trying to figure out what the hell is going on in there. Like what the hell are those thoughts up to! Apparently I have this look in my eyes that I’ve checked out. I am present, listening, but there is me wondering…

Until it hit me this hot afternoon in a bus to town. At Globe to be specific.

That is how normal minds work.

When you ask someone what they are thinking about and they say nothing?

That in all my years of life has never been the answer. Even when interacting with people, my mind was always as loud as the busiest and noisiest part of town. So you can understand why I was so confused!



So Wambaire, what does your journey to sanity have to do with complaining?


If you complain about something more than once, change it.

If you can’t, shut up about it. At most, talk about it with close friends, but even then, don’t wear them the fuck out with the same thing.

If you can’t changing it, ALSO, find a coping mechanism.

If you can’t find one, and that thing is legit consuming you, see a counsellor.


And not because I’ll be one soon… hehehe! But no, seriously. Please. Even if it’s one session.

From a former semi-healed complainer, counselling legit works.

Thank you and have a Merry and Thankful Christmas!

(How it was once a pagan holiday we’ll discuss another day…)


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