“You made me feel-” and other lies we tell ourselves

“The people who trigger us to feel negative emotion are messengers. They are messengers for the unhealed parts of our being” —Teal Swan.

No one can make you feel.

Pause and read that again.

Now, let’s proceed. I came across this quote in 2016 there about, and it was during a time of my life where complaining was a hobby. There was always something wrong with my life, with the people around me, with my work- just everything.

During the end of 2016 I got into- calling it a relationship would be a tall order. Let’s just call it a “mistake”. And boy was I triggered!!! Everyday it seemed like this ninja would do something to set me off or hurt me. It’s when I came across the quote by Teal Swan and in a span of 3 months I had grown so much that I cut the relationship off.

The hangups took a while longer, but it’s safe to say that’s a closed chapter. What. I am human.

The reality was, I was the one feeling those feelings. He might have triggered them, but I had to take responsibility of my emotions. So I’d ask myself, ‘What wound do you have that makes his words/actions feel like salt?”

Side note: Emotional abuse can be subtle. But I changed so much just by being with this guy and dealing with my wounds that even my taste in men changed. Since then, I’ve dated some really decent guys.


I’ve been called heartless, and while I think it is a genetic condition from my father’s side (LOL!), I’d like to think of myself as someone who largely has learned to handle their emotions especially given my history. When sober 😁

Note: I am not talking about my mornings and my random mood swings. I am not a morning person and my hormones are everywhere. 😅

If I snap, it’s because I have assessed my emotions, there is no wound, and you’re just being to tool. And there, I will put you in your place. That’s a given. Or just ignore you and act like you never existed in the first place. Again, it’s that genetic condition.

That said, I can say I’ve been legit hurt very few times in the past three years. Hurt in the sense that I am unable to get over whatever it is. And even then, I sit down and think about it until the pain is gone.


I like to think of pain as teachers. Salt only hurts you when you have an open wound, and even then, it’s a cleansing agent.


Next time you want to blame someone for making you feel a certain type of way, be a grown up about it and own your emotions, yes? After, sit, locate the wound and heal. From there, your actions will flow from a place of wholeness that even the person who triggered you will fall back.

Growth baby, growth.

PS: Same principles apply when you feel hurt by God.

Someone needed to read that.

PPS: I’m not a pro at this. So please don’t come after me when I write a triggered post on social media!!!

Also, therapy works.


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