Character: the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.
Identity: the fact of being who or what a person or thing is.
Living in your head, I think, is one of the primary causes of depression. The opposite is not avoiding deep reflection. The opposite is a balance between understanding oneself and still being present. If you’re like me, you will spend HOURS in your mind. And Google.
Here is what my mind has churned out over the years; these are accurate and not merely some way to beat up my self-esteem.
- My attachment style is anxious.
- I am a co-dependent
- I have anger issues
- I am still looking at my mustard seed-sized self-esteem like- “bloom baby, bloom!”
- Erm… What are boundaries?
- Cut me, I gut you
You get my point.
I was in a state of one of these episodes but I caught myself this time.
Sure, these are all things currently coming off, but who does God say I am?
If you have grown up in a Christian setting, that question is rather out of flavor. However, may I offer a different perspective?
There is who God says we are- the head and not the tail, co-heirs with Christ, His beloved… these are all things we’ve heard, and know.
Now, if Jesus came and sat on your bed, and being a Friend, what would he tell you? If you said you are ____ (insert a shortcoming), what would he say?
What I think we’ve done is used scripture to band-aid our pains. I could sit here and say that I am the righteousness of God in Christ, but if I still feel dirty for what I said, did or thought, what use is that? His truth remains, but my posture is what makes it hard for me to accept it.
Suggested way forward?
Let me use the thought that sparked this post. I was reading an article on co-dependency. The article talked about how it’s generational and something we learn from observations. As I was sitting in the truth of my actions (and marinading in it being a solid cause-but one of the many-reasons behind my many failed relationships), a different thought *hello there Holy Spirit!* came to mind.
“Sure, this is your present character, but who does God say you are?”
After the initial biblical affirmations, I realize that my identity is not co-dependent. My identity is in Christ; I am Christ-like. Everything else is an add-on that is unnecessary and can be shake off. I don’t know about you, but that makes working my issues through so much easier.
I am not changing my identity from being codependent to being Codependent No More, because, identity wise, that’s not who I am.
They are thoughts turned words, turned actions, turned habit, turned character and are now shaping my destiny. But they are not who I am. The work to remaining true to my identity is the same- I need tools to learn how to NOT be codependent. The difference is it’s no longer this thing attached to my essence; it’s a passing cloud. Gloomy, and makes me feel sad, but nonetheless, a passing cloud.
To new way of looking at things in 2019,